He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
