genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just forgot I was standing up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize