Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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