New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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