it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
a search helicopter?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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