Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
