Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
