Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize