So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
