1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
