so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
