Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
