i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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