wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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