He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
