i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
