You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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