went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
