Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
