I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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