So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
