one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
