Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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