She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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