no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
