Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
