I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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