I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
