P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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