It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well you can't waste a boner
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
