i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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