Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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