I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
