Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
