I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
