can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
