DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to align my fucking chakras
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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