My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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