Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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