I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wear drunk well.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
