I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
