I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
