she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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