Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
