I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize