If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
