sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
