girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
