all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize