When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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