I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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