Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I could fuck to npr.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
