youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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