i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
