Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
