Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
