It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
