Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
