oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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