Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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