i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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