this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize