Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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