I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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