i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my shit smells like andre
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
