Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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