I accidentally had phone sex last night
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
