This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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