he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize