I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
