i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
