I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think people are normalizing furries
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
