This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
