Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
