I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
