He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
