Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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