I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
