I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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