Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
