Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
