shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
