i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
