thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
