So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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