This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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