But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
