wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize