I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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