What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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