he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
