You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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