So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think my vagina is haunted
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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