apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
