Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
