Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
