***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
