I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
