did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bring money and cleavage
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
