She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
