you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
