Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
