i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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