the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
